Fears of Wanderlust

It’s my last night at home, and as the minutes click by on the clock I am finally filled with realisation. This will be the last time I lay in the comfort of my bed for four months, the one space that provided me endless security and comfort after long days. Not for a  while will I be able to soak the tiredness away in a warm bath filled with sweet bubbles and surrounded by flickering candles. My perch on the lounge where I can distract myself in the land of make believe will remain empty. My dog will stare into the empty room, wondering where I am, and why the morning cuddles have ceased. My position at Coles will slowly disappear, as the ever changing environment fills the holes and moves forward in the timeless motion of retail. The speakers in my car will remain at a normal volume, memories of blasting tunes echoes of the past.

As I move on, I must accept my world will also move on. The home I leave for four months won’t stay frozen as it will in my memories while I am away. Dust will form on my books and belongings. People will change their beliefs and attitudes. My dog will give up looking into the empty room.

Despite the fears that loom over the coming days, I know to stay strong. I cannot afford to look behind me when so much approaches before me. ‘You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore’, a Columbus quote, fitting for the situation and my South American destination. I accept the fear that weighs heavily on my departure, but I have the courage to balance it. ‘Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing,’ my favourite tv show reminds me. I will grasp onto this belief, this hope, as I begin the next chapter of my story.

I finished up at work today, and had green lights the whole way home. It was as if Bathurst was spurring me on, releasing me tospread my wings and fly away. With my music beating powerfully from the speakers, tearing along the familiar roads I’ve travelled daily for years, I finally felt free. The fears that accompany the excitement I feel is natural, and I’ll conclude with my favourite quote of all.

‘Sometimes the dreams you come in with may not be the dreams you leave with, but hey, they still rock!’ – Lonny, Rock of Ages